


remembering sunday

by Magicmuke



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, Sad, but read it please, sorry it kinda sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3475805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicmuke/pseuds/Magicmuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack lost him definitely on 18/02/15.<br/>His hands were shaking and sweating typing that tweet. The worst day of his life had arrived. He knew it would come sooner or later, but he had never realized how it could really hurt. He always tended to dismiss that thought from his mind and pretend nothing could ever happen, but unfortunately from now on, he couldn’t do that anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	remembering sunday

**Author's Note:**

> The title is based on the ATL song "Remembering Sunday" and yeah, love sucks (and this story too)  
> And yeah, a special thanks to my friend Lisa that supported me through all this!  
> Ps: sorry if there are some grammatical mistakes but english is not my first language.

_“A huge congrats to_ [ _@LisaNoelRuocco_ ](https://twitter.com/LisaNoelRuocco) [ _@AlexAllTimeLow_ ](https://twitter.com/AlexAllTimeLow) _!! So happy for you guys :)”_

 _He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes_ __  
Started making his way past two in the morning  
He hasn't been sober for days  


Jack lost him definitely on 18/02/15.  
His hands were shaking and sweating typing that tweet. The worst day of his life had arrived. He knew it would come sooner or later, but he had never realized how it could really hurt. He always tended to dismiss that thought from his mind and pretend nothing could ever happen, but unfortunately from now on, he couldn’t do that anymore.

 _Leaning now into the breeze remembering Sunday_  
 _He falls to his knees, they had breakfast together_  
 _But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs_  
  
So he decided to face the situation in the only way possible: not facing it at all. After sending some ~~really fake~~ witty tweet to Lisa and Alex, he decided to turn off his phone and just go to sleep, as he drank way too much and soon he couldn’t have been able to control the things he said or wrote anymore. He was not in the mood to hear or see anyone, it would have seemed too strange of him being seen in that state the day that his best friend got officially engaged. Who would be devastated for the happiness of their best friend? He couldn’t do that. He didn’t want anyone to see him hurt, so he decided to not show up at all.

-

Meanwhile, in the neighborhoods of London, Alex was on his way in the apartment shared with the three other friends to celebrate his engagement, but as soon as he arrived he didn’t find exactly what he expected. In fact, to welcome him there were only Zack and Rian, and of Jack there was no trace.

"Congratulations bud, we’re so happy for you! Come on, we bought a bottle of champagne for the occasion! " The two said, trying to mask the obvious discomfort in the absence of Jack.

"Heeeeey guys! Thank you so much, you can’t even imagine how happy I am right now! But wait, where's Jack?" Alex said slightly disappointed. He expected to find him in front of him with a bottle of Jack Daniel's as usual, but somehow it didn’t happen.

For a few seconds there was an awkward silence, the two didn’t know what to say and Alex started to get suspicious, so Zack simply told him that the boy was not feeling well and that he went to bed in a while. The fact was that, just a few minutes before, Jack had tweeted on their engagement, so it was almost impossible that he was already sleeping.

"Guys… That's impossible, he replied to me on Twitter just a little while ago…" Alex said making his way towards Jack’s room.

"Damnit Zack," Rian sighed "I think it's better if you stay here, Alex." He said, stopping him by the arm.

"What? Rian, what the hell is going on? "

"Well maybe you should ask yourself instead.” Zack spoke out.

“What the hell mate..?” Alex asked, “I’m sorry man, but I’m so done. I don’t want to have anything to do with all this mess.” He said finally leaving the room.

“Well fuck okay then! So Rian, can you please tell me what the fuck is going on here? I’m starting to get pissed.”

“You know Jack, man, you know him better than us do. I think you should have at least told him first you were going to propose to Lisa, you know. I never  fucking understood what was really going on between the two of you all these years, but all that mattered was that you were happy. And I mean, truly fucking happy. Me and Zack don’t gave a damn if you were in a relationship, or if it was just a repeated-one-night-stand or whatever. You were really fucking happy mate, he was fucking happy! Now he’s definitely not anymore, Alex. And you can’t really blame him”

“I- I don’t know what to say… I mean, I thought he would have been happy for me you know… I think- I think I should talk to him.” he stuttered.

“Yeah, I think you should. But be careful, Alex, because neither me and nor Zack are going to divide you while beating the fuck out of you. And please, don’t hurt him again, I don’t think he deserves more pain than he already has.”

Rian was right, and Alex knew it. He planned to ask Lisa to marry him in a while, but was never brave enough to tell Jack. He knew he would hurt his friend, so he decided not to tell him anything and ignore the problem until he proposed. He felt like shit to know that all the pain that his best friend was going through, was due to him. So he took courage and knocked on  Jack’s room, but after minutes no one answered.

He should have expected it anyway, Jack wouldn’t  definitely go to open the door, so he did it himself.

"Jack? Hey man... Uhm, I think we should talk.” he said quietly.

_Now this place seems familiar to him_  
 _He pulled on his hand with a devilish grin_  
 _He led him upstairs, he led him upstairs_  
 _Left him dying to get in_

No answer.

“C’mon bud, you know this is difficult to me too. Please, let’s just talk”

No answer.

“Well okay then, if you wanna play this game, let’s play. I’m in! I swear I’m not going to fucking leave until you speak. I can sleep on the floor if necessary, but I’m not going away from this fucking room.”

Still no answer.

“You know what’s funny Jack… I just went from happy as fuck to hurt as hell an-“

“Well excuse me! Is this my fault? If you’re a fucking dick?” Jack finally spoke out.

 _Forgive me, I'm trying to find_  
 _My calling, I'm calling at night_  
 _I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this guy?_  
 _He's been running through my dreams_  
 _And it's driving me crazy, it seems_  
 _I'm gonna ask him to marry me_  

“Jesus fucking Christ you scared me! What the fuck… Woah, okay, at least I know you’re alive. Anyway, if you’d let me continue, I was just saying that that was all my fault, but I guess your delusions of grandeur are always the same uh?” Alex said sarcastic.

“Fuck off Alex, go away please.”

“Oh, here we go again. Okay, I know,  I’m a dick, but please stop insulting me yeah? Thanks.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fine! I guess I’ll have to be content with it, at least you’re talking to me. But anyway, as I was saying before you yelled at me, I’m perfectly conscious that this is all my fault, and I know I should have told you before, and I know that now you’re in pain but please, put yourself in my shoes. I mean, what else could I do?”

“What else you could you do? You can fuck off, that’s what you can do! I mean are you fucking serious? You’re justifying yourself? How? How can you do that? I fucking loved you, Alex. Since the fucking day I met you, and unfortunately I still do. But the fact is, if I could stop loving you, I wouldn’t, because loving you is a fucking bloodsport, but is the only thing that makes me feel alive after all. And I know that I’m not the only one feeling like this. I know you feel like this too. And that’s what makes me angry the most. Why can’t you fucking admit it once for all? Why are you lying to yourself? Don’t you see what you’re doing to me?” His voice cracked and even as dark as the room was, Alex knew Jack was crying.

_And even though he doesn't believe in love_  
 _He's determined to call his bluff_  
 _Who could deny these butterflies?_  
 _They're filling his gut_

“It’s different, Jack. I care about you, but in a different way, and you know that. She’s my girlfriend, my fiancée, and I love her… I love you too, but it’s not the same.” He tried to explain, “please Jack, don’t cry, you know how much it hurts me to see you crying… I don’t want this.”

“Oh, right, sorry! Your “fiancée”, and I’m the piece of shit right? Then why don’t you go back to your fucking fiancée? I’m just the asshole you fuck every night when you’re fiancée is not here, am I wrong? I’m not your fucking toy, Alex. Only because I love you it doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you use me, not anymore. I’m tired of all this shit. I’m not gonna fall for this again” he cried.

“You perfectly know we can’t be together, you always said you wanted a love you could scream out at the top of your lungs, and we can’t. We should hide our relationship and go through too many risks we can’t take.”

“You would have fucking worth it! You, are the love I would scream at the top of my lungs to everyone not giving a fuck about what people could say. I would have taken all the risks just for you, but obviously you wouldn’t do the same. Please, Alex, go away, I can’t do this anymore. I want you to leave.”

_Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces_  
 _He pleads though he tries_  
 _But he's only denied_  
 _Now he's dying to get inside_

“I’m here because I care about you, and I’m not leaving. You’re my best friend Jack, I’m not gonna lose you.”

 “Yeah, care my ass! You don’t fucking care about me! If I’m like this, right now, is just because of you! And the problem is exactly this, I’m just a fucking friend to you. While you’re everything to me, that’s the difference, I’m fucking pathetic and ridiculous! I’m hurt, and you’re happy, I don’t deserve it, you do.”

“Please, Jack… Don’t say that I-“ Alex started.

“No, you please, shut up. I would appreciate it. Please, I don’t need other arguments right now,” He said quietly, “you can go, if you want.”

“It’s okay, I won’t anyway.” Alex stated.

_Forgive me, I'm trying to find_  
 _My calling, I'm calling at night_  
 _I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this guy?_  
 _He's been running through my dreams_  
 _And it's driving me crazy, it seems_  
 _I'm gonna ask him to marry me_

So he stayed there, laying on the cold floor, waiting for Jack to say something. He knew he was wrong, and he knew he had done something so terrible, but there were no other ways. He couldn’t risk, and he loved Lisa, just like he loved his best friend, but his and Jack’s love was an impossible and wrong love to him, and the only thing he could do was to repress those feelings for him.  
-  
 _The neighbor said, he moved away_  
 _Funny how it rained all day_  
 _I didn't think much of it then_  
 _But it's starting to all make sense_

That night was a cold and raining night in London, just like the other days in winter, and Alex was freezing as hell while trying to sleep on the floor near Jack’s bed. He was trembling and trying to find the right position to be as comfortable as he could be in that situation to sleep, even though he knew that, for a reason or another, he wouldn’t be able sleep that night anyway. And Jack noticed that.

_Oh, I can see now_  
 _That all of these clouds are following me_  
 _In my desperate endeavor_  
 _To find my whoever, wherever he may be_

“You cold?” he said after a long silence.

“Oh, absolutely not. Actually, it’s very comfortable here, I should do this more often, bed my ass uh” Alex laughed bitterly.

Jack took a long breath and then moved toward the end of his bed, leaving a space to his left, “come here” he said.

“W-what?” Alex asked surprised, “me?”

“Do you see someone else in this fucking room? Yes, you, you moron. Don’t let me think twice, I’m already regretting this.” He said nervously.

So Alex got up and silently lied in Jack’s bed, with his face toward Jack’s. His bed smelled like alchool and like him. He loved Jack’s smell, a mixture of alchool and aftershave. Under those sheets, Alex felt like home; all he really needed was there: Jack, his home, his everything.  
He slowly got closer to him, caressing his neck before with his cheek, and then with his lips, leaving wet kisses all over it. Jack shivered.

“Lex,” that’s how he called him in those moments, “don’t-“ he said weakly, trying to be as convincent as he could, but resulting anything but that. So he turned his brain off, turning on his heart, and all of his emotions, giving his all to him.

_I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible_  
 _I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me_  
 _I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt_  
 _Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair_

“Please,” his voice cracked, he knew he would regret it, but he needed it so bad. He was too weak, too desperate to complain, he missed his skin, his touch, his hands, his smell, everything of him, too much. Just for one last night, he wanted to make love with him. Jack felt like he was getting high of the touch of Alex’s lips all over his body, but it was exactly what he wanted. Just for one night, he wanted to do that. Then he leant forwardand pressed their lips together, Jack’s body felt electrified but he kissed him back, and that was all that really mattered. Alex grabbed Jack’s hand and held them while kissing every part of his body, from his collarbones down to his hipbones, leaving sloppy traces with his mouth and hungry bites all over him. He was hungry of Jack, he couldn’t get enough of him.

“Lex,”The way Jack moaned  Alex’s name was dirty, and needy and loud, so he pulled him back for another kiss, this time more rough and passionate. Alex made love of Jack, gave all his love and all of him, crying and moaning with him, whispering sweet and desperate words to each other.  
“I love you so fucking much, Lex, always have, always will” cried Jack, “I love you too, Bassam, always have, always will.” Alex replied. He used to call him with his second name, in moments of intimacy, like no one ever called him, like he was the only one allowed to call him like that. And he really meant those words, they came from his heart, honest and truthful. They took everything slow, like it was the last night of their life. And then suddenly it was over. They fell asleep together, in each other’s arms, holding to themselves, like they could fall and get lost without each other.

_And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world_  
 _So many thousands of feet off the ground_  
 _I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds_  
 _Towering over your head_

-

When Alex woke up the next morning, the space near him was empty. Jack was gone. He felt a lump in his throat, and he realized he never really imagined it could hurt so much. He knew he deserved it, though. He had been a dick to him, and that’s what he got back.  
When he got up, he saw a piece of paper on the floor, and he suddenly recognised Jack’s bad handwriting.  
Once he read the paper, he felt like a blow to his chest.  
Jack was really gone, and for good. That was not only the day Jack lost Alex, but the day Alex lost him too, physically and psychologically. Definitely.

_“Please, don’t call me or search me anymore. I took the first plane to Sydney, I’ll see you there for band practises._

_Goodbye Lex, your Bassam  
Always have, always will.”_

_Well I guess I'll go home now_  
 _I guess I'll go home now_  
 _I guess I'll go home now_  
 _I guess I'll go home…_

 


End file.
